“Melody, what is this?” you ask. “You promised to document senior year with faith, truth, and honesty, yet weeks go by between each post, and those weeks are filled with silence. How can we live without your wonderful witticisms, your scintillating snark, your incredible English?”
That is because, dear reader, when it comes to updates and blogs, senior year is filled with radio silence.
“That’s okay,” you say. “We don’t really need you anyway. You’re not that interesting. No one reads this blog anyway.”
I’m sorry, I can’t quite hear you over the cheering of my loyal fans.
As the first semester of senior year draws to a close, I felt that it was time to share several observations that I’ve made. Everyone loves them.
- Disney lies. High school is not a time of eternal auditions, random outbursts of song, basketball stars, and dancing in the rain. SATs exist and they are deadly. Colleges do not beg for your attendance, unless your name is indeed Troy Bolton, in which case you should probably avoid being photographed in a sex shop.
- Your college counselor is lying to you. You do not have the 4.6 GPA, the sixteen APs, the 400 hours of community service, and the 10 extracurriculars. You will never go to any college except a community college, and you will die alone and friendless, shivering in a box with tame rats all around you.
- Your teachers do not care about how many college apps you need to work on because you should have done them during the summer. They will assign you research essays, they will assign you 60-page readings, they will assign you cumulative tests. And they do not care if you cry.
So in conclusion: do not trust Disney, do not trust your college counselor, and do not trust your teachers.
Trust only in me, your friendly neighborhood supergoddes